LOVE.

We’re all a product of our own experiences, so I think it’s only natural that when we’re told that we’re loved, we think it means to the person saying it what it would mean in the same context if we said it to them.

WRONG. And of course it makes sense that this thinking is wrong. The person saying it isn’t YOU. They’re THEM. So it may mean something totally different to them. You might be saying love, and it means I love every fiber of your being, and the essence of who you are (including your imperfections). The other person might be saying love, and it could mean they love the way you make them feel about themselves. Or the things you do for them. Or something else entirely.

Of course the only way to really know this is with time. I hear that actions speak louder than words, but truth be told, I think they’re both pretty damn important. So after a little time, if we pay attention, I think we can find out if we’ve found ourselves the type of relationship we wanna be in or not.

There’s lots of reasons we stay in less than amazingly satisfying relationships. Convenience. Loneliness. Fear. It’s good enough/There won’t be anything better. Nobody’s perfect. I’m running out of time (need house, babies, yard, dog, yadda). My friends will keep including me in all the fun couples stuff. My parents will get off my ass.

No big surprise to those who know me – I love love!  I also think we have within us the capacity to love nearly anybody, since we’re all little parts of the same magnificent beast that is life. But beyond that, I think we have to love ourselves first and foremost enough to call it quits when it’s time to call it quits.

Figuring out when it’s time to call it quits is rough. If you listen to religion and lots of old timers, they’ll say once the contract is signed – BAM! – you’re bound together for life. I reject that, although I’ve personally opted to not sign any contracts to date, in hopes of wanting to be sure it’ll happily stick, before I commit.

I’m currently reading a book called “The Dip” by Seth Godin. The tag line says it’s “A little book that teaches you when to quit (and when to stick).” The Dip, he says, is “a temporary setback that you will overcome if you keep pushing.” He says that “winners quit fast, quit often, and quit without guilt – until they commit to beating the right Dip for the right reasons.”

So as it relates to love, at some point we gotta figure out if the Dip means it’s time to call it quits, or if it’s worth digging in and sticking. For me, the time to call it quits has ultimately come when one party or the other realizes, or starts behaving in such a way, to where one or both parties realize that one person is into the other person more than vice versa. That’s a really stupid way of saying if and when you realize that “he’s just not that into you”, it’s time to bail.

If there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that I’m not perfect. Nor do I think that anyone else walking the planet is either. But I’m perfectly clear that before I settle down with someone for the long haul, they damn well better think I’m perfect for them. Just the way I am. And vice versa. Cause to me, that’s love.

A poem.

you say us being over is a crime

don’t you know life turns on a dime

next time

i won’t give up peace of mind

for you

so take your tricks on down the road

just go

you’re beautiful but not mine to hold

i tried

next time i’ll do better than before

to find

the line to tow in give and take

i’ll shake

the bum wrap of door mat

i’ll find

someone else to call mine

in time

won’t mind me the way i am